The day Psalm 23 made me cry

We were at some of our best friends’ wedding. And the scripture that they choose to be read during the ceremony was Psalm 23. Everybody finds it comforting and full of promise. I mean why wouldn’t they? But not for me. Not in that moment. I started crying, through the entire ceremony, I was in tears and it couldn’t stop. My fiance was trying to comfort me, and held me tighter. But the moment was too big and the message consumed me.

The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.” That’s not true. I am engaged to the most wonderful guy, who will be the best father ever and who deserves to be called dad more than anyone else. And the reality is that there is good chance I won’t be able to give that to him! Life is not fair! I lack something!

It was raining that day, so we only threw the confetti at the reception venue under the roof and didn’t have to wait outside the church making small talk with the other guests. Fortunately. That meant I could make a run for the car and try to hide my red eyes and hopefully they look normal again by the time we get to the reception venue.

The drive to the reception me and my fiance had a good chat, me still in tears off course. The reality of ‘what if we never have children’ being the topic of conversation. These are the kind of things couples need to discuss before their wedding day. Whether you know that there is a possibility that you can’t or not. So many people get divorced when they found out later that there is a problem. And the reality is there are more people than you think, you could be one of them. And the current lifestyle and the environment that you are exposed to for the general population is not helping either. Have the conversation with your partner, get tested and checked out if you haven’t been, and talk these things over before you get married. My, now husband, has walked the path with me from being diagnosed, through the surgeries and the daily reality that it might only be the two of us for the rest of our lives. I consider myself blessed because of that.

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