Docter #2…

So after 3 months of mostly feeling under the water, I went to get a second opinion. I am not very good at discussing my personal life or anything about my self for that matter, so going to the doctor and telling her what was wrong with me was daunting. But I decided that I need to give her as much detail as possible cause there is something wrong and the more detail I give the more accurate would her diagnosis be.

So after dropping my dad off I went to the docter and all the way there I was nervous, not knowing what lies ahead is the worst part. At least if you know what you are up against you can do some research, get to know as much as possible and prepare yourself for the road ahead. So I sat in the waiting room just waiting, cause the magezines were mostly pregnancy or new parents magezines. And then you start thinking what if she tells me that I can’t have children.

Eventually I went in and immediately I notice the completely different atmosphere compared to the first doctor. She made you feel so at ease, something that wasn’t there with the first doctor. So I started talking, telling her every single detail about the past 3 months that I could remember trying to not leave out anything important no matter how insignificant it might seem to me at the time. And she just calmly listened to everything I said and made notes as I carried on. For the first time I realised how important it is to feel at ease with your doctor and I understood what people meant when they said they didn’t get a good feeling from a doctor. When I got to the part where I told her about the prescription that I was on she was shocked that the other doctor put me on such strong hormone medicines. She immediately said that she would never have given me that prescription, it was just way too much estrogen. She told me that they usually only prescibe Androcur in dosis of up to 4 tablets per month per pasient, apperantly it’s too strong to prescribe more than that. Which confirms what the pharmacists told me and how they reacted every time I went to pick up the next prescription.

She did I soar and showed me how the cists were already covering my entire ovary on both sides. I could see in her eyes that she was concerned. I realised that it was a lot more serious than the imression that I got from the first doctor, from whom I understood that its bad but not that bad. I remember the first flood of feelings being anger. Anger because there is something wrong with me, I mean I am a good person always trying to do the right thing and now this happens to me. I don’t want this. I didn’t do anything wrong. Why didn’t the first doctor explain things properly but instead made it off to be something that is not as serious.  Then came the confusion, how did this happen? what happens now? why me? how do I handle this? what would be expected from me? what and how much do I tell my boyfriend of less than 6 months? I remember sitting there, listening to the doctor explaining things to me and having questions, many questions but not knowing what to ask her. So a lot of confusion going around inside of me. She told me that she wanted to do a laparoscopy as soon as possible and that I can go discuss it with people close to me before I make a decision. I felt at ease, that I am in good hands and that I could trust her. But so scared and confused on the other hand all at the same time. I guess this is what everybody goes through when they are diagnosed with some form of a disease/illness.

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